i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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