That's when you crack a 10am beer
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
