Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
His hands were made for my vagina.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
