drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My vagina just recognized that song.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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