I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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