he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
