he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
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Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
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haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This toilet bowl is my home.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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