apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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