i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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