and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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