i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Randomize
