Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
