All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
