I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
