Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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