i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
