I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
