you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So much rum. So many feels.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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