just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
