I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Who died my cat blue again?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
