There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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