I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Boobs are out for the taking
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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