The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
