On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
