Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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