Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
