I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you traded sex for a burrito?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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