My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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