i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Ketchup is God's man juice
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
