things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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