He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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