His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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