My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize