New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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