Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My hand turned me down
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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