I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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