He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I smell like Dick and happiness
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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