i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
