He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
