it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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