I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
