I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
how drunk are you?
Several
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
