Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
