Fine. I'll sleep in my office
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
