someone get that fucking seahorse.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
