you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
