she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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