There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
