it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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