Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
