Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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