she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
