Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
