Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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