I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
