Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
