I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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