obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
