You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
