So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
should my penis look like a turkey
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I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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