I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
