I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
