You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
