god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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