Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
