My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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