How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
