Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
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We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
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He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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