I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
