yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
