barbara walters just said penis...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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