Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
