I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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