Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
