i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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