I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Is it because I queefed?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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