I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
