omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
