If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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