i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
