Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
