Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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