what day is it and did you see me today?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
