how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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