He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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